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tomoatmeal:

There could be nothing more powerful and moving than a public service announcement where a meth addict has all of his teeth fall out. He’s conflicted at first, but then eventually he brings his mind to a state of ease upon the assumption that at the very least he could put the teeth under his pillow. Then, whatever money the tooth fairy leaves, he could use to buy more meth.
It takes him days to fall asleep, but finally he does. He dreams about the tooth fairy, but when he wakes up and looks under his pillow, the teeth are gone and there is no money.
Suddenly, the dog runs into the room and it instantly becomes obvious to the viewer that the dog lapped up all of the teeth shards and somehow, they became arranged in his mouth like people teeth. 
The rest of the story follows the dog around and highlights his various successes.

tomoatmeal:

There could be nothing more powerful and moving than a public service announcement where a meth addict has all of his teeth fall out. He’s conflicted at first, but then eventually he brings his mind to a state of ease upon the assumption that at the very least he could put the teeth under his pillow. Then, whatever money the tooth fairy leaves, he could use to buy more meth.

It takes him days to fall asleep, but finally he does. He dreams about the tooth fairy, but when he wakes up and looks under his pillow, the teeth are gone and there is no money.

Suddenly, the dog runs into the room and it instantly becomes obvious to the viewer that the dog lapped up all of the teeth shards and somehow, they became arranged in his mouth like people teeth. 

The rest of the story follows the dog around and highlights his various successes.

So Much Wine

They’re never in the hospital

those people who won’t return your messages

but they should be.

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There is nothing about these 2 minutes and 15 seconds that isn’t perfect to me. Play it at my funeral and then light off a string of M-80s inside my coffin.

An Actual Chat I Had with “Kristine” from Bank of America

Kristine Cooper: Hello Adam! Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer!

Kristine Cooper: How may I assist you with your credit card account today?

You: [LONG STORY]

Kristine Cooper: Upon checking on the account, I see here that the payment was returned because there is an insufficient funds from the account where you initiate the payment.

Kristine Cooper: I am hoping for your kindness.

You: Did you read the part where I explained that my bank has no record of you ever attempting to process the payment?

Kristine Cooper: Yes, I understand that and I do get your point.

Kristine Cooper: If you wish I can send the statement of 03/2013 and 04/2013 so that you we’re able to see the payment has posted and then returned.

Kristine Cooper: Is that something that you would like to consider?

You: No, because I don’t know what you’re talking about.

You: I can see my own statement.

Kristine Cooper: I am sorry for the confusion. Let me explain it the best way I can.

Kristine Cooper: I highly respect your decision with regards to this.

Kristine Cooper: Are you still with me?

You: yes

Kristine Cooper: I am glad we are still connected.

Kristine Cooper: I am glad we are still connected.

You: So am I, Kristine

You: You were going to explain the best way you can.

Kristine Cooper: I am sorry. Sure! One moment please.

Kristine Cooper: Upon checking on the account, I see here that there was a payment posted on the account on 03/04/2013 of the amount $4524.00. There was a returned check fee assessed because there was a payment posted on the account.

Kristine Cooper: The return check fee was assessed on 03/13/2013.

You: I know all that.

Kristine Cooper: Thank you for your understanding.

Kristine Cooper: I did my very best with regards to the $25 return check fee, however it is a valid and it was assessed correctly on the account.

You: BUT MY BANK SAYS THAT IT NEVER RETURNED A PAYMENT ON THAT DATE FOR INSUFFICIENT FUNDS OR ANY OTHER REASONS.


Kristine Cooper: The payment of $4524 is posted on the account on 03/04/2013.

You: You keep saying that.

Kristine Cooper: Thank you for waiting. I’ll be with you in just a moment.

Kristine Cooper: The funds of $4524 is from your funds. The account was assessed a return check fee because the payment of $4524 is already posted on the account.

You: With all due respect, Kristine, that sentence makes no sense.

Kristine Cooper: I am sorry to hear that. Let me try to explain it again for you.

Kristine Cooper: [“explains”]

You: I don’t know where that information came from, but it is incorrect.

Kristine Cooper: I completely understand your point however I would need to refer you to your bank to provide the details why there is no sufficient funds when we are cashing the check.

You: I feel like you’re not listening to me, Kristine. It’s not a good feeling.

Kristine Cooper: I am really sorry if you feel that way.

Kristine Cooper: I am sorry however I am unable to provide more details about this because I do not have enough details about the check. If you wish to, I can refer you to our checking/savings department.

Kristine Cooper: Whichever you wish to do, I will be more than happy to help.

You: I feel like you have no idea what I’m saying.

Kristine Cooper: I am sorry. What I meant was, for the return check fee.

Kristine Cooper: Let me talk to my manager with regards to this.

You: Please

Kristine Cooper: Thank you for choosing Card Services. How may I provide you with Exceptional Service?

You: KRISTINE

Kristine Cooper: I do apologize. Rest assured that I will be staying online once we already resolved this

Kristine Cooper: Adam I will be transferring you to a senior chat specialist who will assist you further. A specialist will be online with you in just a moment. Thank you for your patience.

You: I’ll never forget you, Kristine.

Brian: Hello Adam. My name is Brian and I am a Senior Chat Specialist.

I tried and tried to get dad to put “1942 -???” but he’s no fun.

I tried and tried to get dad to put “1942 -???” but he’s no fun.

@theleanover secretly runs a plumbing-supply store in the midwestern US

An exhaustive list of the situations in which it is acceptable for two people to watch a sunrise together

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Apartment fire. They were neighbors in an apartment building that just burned down. It happened in the very early morning and they wait around to see if anything is salvageable and, if so, to defend against scavengers and looters. The sun rises behind the smoldering remains of their MDF furniture.

Post-heist. They have escaped deep into the desert after committing a heist. They sit 20 yards apart and eye one another distrustfully as each resists sleep. At first light, they share a Power Bar and a blue Gatorade.

Squad-car tragedy. They are handcuffed in the back of a squad car. The arresting officer is slumped over his laptop in the front seat. A fatal heart attack took him too young. The air in the car is thick and stale.

Pole smokers. They live near one of the poles, so for much of the year the sun doesn’t rise until well into the workday. The sun’s orange penumbra makes the third smoke break of the day a particularly inspiring one.

Debriefing. While in an emotionally vulnerable state, a very drunk accountant enters into a binding contractual agreement with a prostitute. After he is turned away from the national hotel chain where he has points, they retire to a Budgetel, where the accountant soon discovers that the prostitute is also a man. They discuss the situation on the lanai as dawn breaks over the interstate.

American in Paris. On his last night in Paris, a snaggle-toothed American who self-identifies as a poet meets a lovely French woman who is inexplicably free for the evening and willing to wander the streets with him and listen to his bullshit. They discuss life and love and occasionally stop to rest at a particularly scenic spots along the Seine. As light fills the sky, it is revealed that there is no woman at all, only a pigeon whom the American is touching inappropriately.